Saturday, February 02, 2008

Bizarre Biblical Tales

I found this list of the Top 10 Bizarre Biblical Tales. I read the Bible cover to cover when I was a believer, so I knew of all these stories before, but this list is good just to remind us of how absurd a lot of the Bible is. I don't care for this particular author's write up of the stories, but it is entertaining nonetheless.

Here is a sample:

A story so eponymous, it gave way to its own neologism – onanism, an archaic term for masturbation. Basically, God kills Er. Why? We don’t really find out. However, in a stroke of good luck, Er’s father, Judah, has given you the right, nay the duty, to have sex with your dead brother’s wife. Onan is a bit apprehensive at first, but agrees to go through with this bizarre scheme to create a ‘true heir’ to Er. He begins to have sex with the girl, but at the last minute decides to pull out and spill “his seed upon the ground.” God is so irked he decides to kill Onan too, and thus nobody gets an heir. This story is the basis for the Christian condemnation of masturbation and birth control.

The moral of this story? In the words of Monty Python, “Every sperm is sacred…”